Monday, May 22, 2006

I've Cracked the DaVinci Code!

Greetings virtual friend(s),

I went and saw DaVinci Code because I was brainwashed like everyone else by the ads and the subliminal programming forced me to go. (Oh, damn you, government mind control rays!)

If I deciphered the movie right then Audrey Tautou is Jesus' granddaughter ... so what does she get? Free frequent flyer miles if she decides to visit the Holy Land? Shares and silent (secret) partnership in some swank vineyard? Or simply a lifetime supply of matzo crackers???

And since I already thought Paul Bettany was a sexy Brit now there's gonna be this dark, creepy S&M twist to my fantasies because of the whole cat-o-nine-tails scene and ... that thing around his leg. Ouch!

And Ron Howard directed this movie! Ron Howard! I'm trying to picture Opie from The Andy Griffith Show sashaying into a sex shop in SoHo with his prop master. Opie ignores the starstruck drag queen behind the cash register, points to one of the whips prominently displayed above the front counter and uncharacteristically rasps: "I want one of THOSE!"

You know, now that I think about it, Tom Hanks would make a really good submissive. He cries a lot and that's always a plus. Right now out there somewhere is a very happy little Severe Companion.

Keep Jesus in yer thoughts and the church outta yer snatch,

-- Mz M.

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